I am struggling a little to write this. Maybe because it’s been less than 4 years since the last blog post. Haha but in all seriousness, I really am having a hard time writing this. I will explain later after I give our big news.

Robin is going to have a little brother! Coming in September! We are very excited! Robin has no idea just that mommy’s tummy is getting bigger and he keeps poking it 😅.

Now don’t get me wrong. This is something we are both excited and nervous about. I’m am so happy we are going to have another little one. The reason I am struggling to write this is two big reasons. 1) I waited this long to announce anything on social media because of previous miscarriages which makes me really hesitant to share a pregnancy too early 2) I still feel the pain of our infertility journey.

You may be asking “wait, why do you still feel that when you obviously can get pregnant?” And to answer that question, just because I was able to get pregnant doesn’t mean I have forgotten that longing to want a child from before. I try so very hard to be mindful of those who are struggling to even have one child or another child because I know how that feels. I know how it feels when even though you are so very excited for that person (whomever that may be) to be having a baby, you still feel so sad for yourself because you long to have that child one day (at least that’s how it was for me). I think with trials or our struggles in life, those emotions don’t truly go away. Maybe it’s not as strong as it was before, but it’s there. And for me, I don’t want it to go away. I want to remember those angel babies no matter how little of time we had with them. I don’t want to forget the pain I felt through infertility so I can connect with those who are struggling with it. I try my best every day to be more empathetic towards others. To feel alone in anything, is such a terrible feeling. So I hope whoever is reading, please know you are not alone no matter what trial you are going through. You are loved even though I don’t know you very well, I care and love you.

In other news, Robin is getting so big! He can sign “please”, “more” and “help”. Can follow directions pretty well and is running every where. Loves playing chase with daddy and gives mommy all the hugs and kisses. He doesn’t talk much yet but he’ll get there. I have to constantly remind myself that he will talk in his own time. And that right there was really hard for me to do. There are definitely days where I feel like a failure as a mother. Seeing other children around Robin’s age doing things that Robin hasn’t done quite yet. That is such a struggling for me trying to not compare myself to other parents (wondering what I’m doing wrong). But we as parents have to remember, we are doing our best and your child is doing some great things on their own. Each child is different in their own unique and awesome way. Robin is the best and it makes me tear up every time I think about how much I love him and our little family (I may be tearing up right now 🥲).

As far as Alex and me, not much going on with us personally. Just trying to survive as parents soon to be parents of two. Maybe our thoughts/views and spirituality have changed but we can talk about that another time. We can spends hours talking about deep issues/thoughts. So I will leave those topics for another post or in person discussion if need be.

Thanks for reading this far! Until next time

Steph